I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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