my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
