You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
