you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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