two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
