A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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