When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize