tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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