is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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