I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
