Tell her she can't have a vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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