Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
