I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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