we have pet lesbian snakes
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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