Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
