3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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