he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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