All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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