I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
