Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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