You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
