Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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