Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
