you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
