I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
