At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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