@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
