Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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