i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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