guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
