the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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