Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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