I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
