dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
