Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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