So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
