Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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