I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
