Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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