put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
