So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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