He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
