That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
