How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
