I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
