You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sext me about skeletons
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
