last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
where are my eyebrows?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
