Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
