I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
