She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
