I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
