I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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