I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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