oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
