what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
