Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
only you would photoshop your dick
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
