Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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