Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
