Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
