this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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