Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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