no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
