Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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