How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i think my cat just said my name.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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