I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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