why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
