Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
