You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
